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Blonde joke? Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ***?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last *******.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off. | | Lovely keep them coming. lol | I'm 14 and have never had a boyfriend before is something wrong with me? I'm a 14 year old girl, 5'3 normal weight c bra size, long blond hair and blue eyes. I'm extremly wierd and hyper almost all the time, I'm kinda stupid(I blame the blonde hair) and I don't know how to do anything any of my other friends know how to do, like handjobs, blowjobs, lapdances,makeingout etc. But that's also cause I haven't had the practice like the rest of them tho. Is something wrong with me or?.... Thanks :) <3 | | ok first of all it is perfectly ok if you do not have a boy friend at the age of 14 i didn't have my first girl friend till 16 but you should know how about or know how to do some of those things you listed at the end and just because you have blond hair well nevermind you can always die it. | What would you do if this happened to you? Get ready, it's a long one.? Get ready for the story of my life. duh duh duh!
ok. eighth grade I was in a toxic friendship with someone who disrespected me and wouldnt let me hang out with my other friends.Lets call her *Larissa. I met another girl through Larissa and we soon became really good friends. Her name was *Lily. I also met *Fiona. I would often sneak off with Lily when Larissa wasn't there and we had sleepovers and stuff. I finally broke away from Larissa and didn't speak to her for the rest of the year, stating that I was tired of her walking all over me. I can barely even remember anything about that year. I was really depressed because of Larissa, and I gained weight, thankfully not too much but just enough to lower my self-esteem completely because I had previously been a stick and I was now 120 pounds with my Colombian/Greek ethnicity setting in so I got curves a year later. I now appreciate them, but I thought I was ugly and fat afterwards.
Larissa would often put me down because of her own insecurities, like one time she said, "Guys don't like girls like you, they like girls with curves. You'll never have a boyfriend," and I put up with her crap until I met Lily and Fiona.
Everything was great; I felt like I had found my soul sister in Lily even though I sort of ignored Fiona, I never felt I needed her.
Until, in grade nine, Lily met a girl named *Amber. She was Armenian and stout although she had gorgeous eyes and hair. I began to envy her as Lily spent more and more time with her and the older druggie/drinking group of people she hung out with. Amber introduced Lily to Steve,a seventeen yr old guy she had previously dated and she still had feelings for.
Lily and Steve hit it off, and Amber suggested they date in a voice full of self-pity, which caused a big scandal because Lily didn't want to hurt her feelings and Amber would say, "It's okay, I just want what's best for you" in a sad, superficial way. I witnessed the beginning of their relationship, and I regretted being very giggly on the phone at midnight when she called him now that I would have to meet the guy.Lily and Steve got together in the end, and I was with them in the first week of their relationship at the mall.
I didn't know what to expect, and I didn't really want my fourteen year old friend with a much older guy who might try to take advantage of her.
He had blue eyes and blond hair, and he was big. Not fat. Just...adult. And it sort of scared me when he kept pulling her towards him and touching her under the table. Not to mention he would put her phone down his pants so she would have to get it. How many of you guys use that trick?
It was extremely akward when she started comparing us. "You guys boh have such pretty eyes... Green and blue. I mean, look at each other. You both have nice eyes."
Very akward.
Anyway, she got deeper and deeper in with Steve. He would answer her phone when I called, she would ditch her plans with me as soon as she heard his personalized ringtone and he began to sexually pressure her. He was like Britney's K-Fed as well; in a way: she would buy him expensive Playboy lighters and stuff and he didn't respect her at all. Lily was afraid to kiss him since she wanted to be good, but he kept pressuring her so she gave him blowjobs and handjobs instead. Sick, isn't it?
Once, they were both at his friend's house.
Then, he took her to an upstairs bedroom. They were on the bed.
"I'll just pull out before I come," he told her.
"I don't want to. You can't force me.You just came now! What if I get pregnant?"
"Who cares?"
They went downstairs. He had once told her, "Don't do drugs. If you do drugs I will dump your *** and kick the **** out of you, you understand? Promise me!" and she promised.
One of his friends at the house let it slip that Steve had done drugs, and Lily confronted him.
"I thought you said neither of us would ever do them. We both made a promise," she said.
"It's just a stupid promise. I don't care if you just try it," he told her.
He had lied to her and tried to cover it up so they could initially have sex.
I formed closer bonds with Fiona as a result of Lily's frequent disappearing act. She even had a pregancy scare, and she came to us for the first time in three weeks for more than three minutes to freak out.
By then another girl had joined our band, a sweet redhead named Katie.
Soon, though, Katie showed an annoying, artificial side that we didn't know she had.
Fiona was sighing over not having a boyfriend.
"Your're too insecure to have a boyfriend, Fiona. Your're not ready." Nice, huh?
Rumors began to circulate that Lily wasn't good enough for Steve. I laughed at that. People said she wasn't good-looking enough or popular enough to be his girlfriend. He dumped her, and Lily missed school for three days, not eating, vomiting and crying the whole time.
Katie made the insecure comment about Fiona the day after Lily came back. She seemed to be mentioning Steve fo | | I had insomnia before I read your story, and now I don't. Thank you! |
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