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Creative Or corporal punishment for our sons?
When my wife and I came home this evening our sons were wrestling in our front yard. As I got closer I realized they were really fighting. After everyone calmed down they said they were just messing around and it turned into a fight. We have always punished our guys so the punishment fits the crime. In this case it would be a spanking. I remember being my sons age and getting in a fight with a guy from school. My dad paddled me and I never got in another fight. My wife thinks I should spank them, but I feel we should try something else. She said she will back me up in whatever I choose, but we don't believe in grounding. They earn computer and tv time, so we don't have those things to take away. As I type this I realize that spanking seems like the most logical. My question is does anyone have any creative punishments or do you think I should just spank them?
a good hiding will do the trick
Can someone listen to my rant and provide advice please? Serious relationship issues from parenting, sex...?
I will give you the best answer for some real advice and opinions. I am just fed up and I need to see if someone can understand me.

I have two guys with a man who is a jobless slob. His hair is longer than mine, and my hair goes midback to about my tailbone. His is down to his a**. In public people think we are lesbians. It is disturbing. Our daughter is 4 and our son is 1. I have no family or friends, I am 27. We met online like idiots, had a couple months of casual sex and the birth control pills failed me and I got pregnant. We decided to stay together, but are such different people. We tried getting married but neither of us acknowledge it, and consider ourselves boyfriend-girlfriend. We never say wife-husband or celebrate the date. It was in a courthouse at like 8am on some strange day in October. We pretend it never happened.

We never have sex. We go weeks at a time without sex. I feel very guilty for masturbating in the bathroom or bed. He sleeps in the other room on the couch or the floor most nights. He doesn't stay near me. He says he loves me and wants to marry me, but he doesn't show it. I resent him. I want desperately to erase all of this and just run away some days. I feel bad for thinking like this. He got heavy too. He also has been mildly abusive in the past.

Lately I have been thinking of finding someone to have an affair with. I am desperate and I want to feel loved again. Even if he did want to touch me, I don't want him to. I don't even kiss him. I caught him reading articles on his computer how to "leave a long term relationship". I think he wants to leave too but because of the guys we are together. I don't think he has ever loved or cared about us if he did he would cut his hair and get employed someplace. I supported him wanting to get a degree and go back to school, but he pins the work on me and has me do his homework! He is just stupid and disrespectful. He becomes enraged at the idea of housework.

I think our only positives together are that we are both creative. I am writing a book in my free time, which isn't much, and he supports that. He supports my youtube show where I instruct on cooking. Beyond the friendship that we do have I don't think we have a love relationship, or maybe I am blind?

How can I salvage or leave this relationship with us still being friends and co-parents to our guyren? Our parenting ideals are even polar opposites. He wants strict rules and spankings, I am more fluid. He spanked our toddler last night leaving a welt on her thigh near her butt for not going to bed at a decent hour. I ran into the room when she was crying stopping my writing, and I brought her into bed with the baby and me. She was just watching cartoons on netflix minding her own business, but couldn't sleep because she was having an asthma attack. I guess she was telling him she couldn't breathe and get mommy, and he said it was an excuse and spanked her. She needed a puff of her medicine and then fell right to sleep next to me. I keep the guys away from him and have my only relative, my bipolar mother, help me as much as she can with her mental ailment.

I want to be his friend but lover, other parent, etc... is very hard. I don't trust him. I am not attracted to him, and I have no respect for him.

HELP!
For a moment forget all the problems you have between the two of you. Based on his treatment of a guy with a physical problem alone, regardless of all the other things, I'd get out of there as soon as possible. Forget the pros and cons of physical discipline - no one should do what he did - no one. I whipped my guys, too much perhaps, but I never did anything like that. If I were you I'd look him right in the eye and as calm as I could be let him know since he had crossed the line last night he could never be trusted to know when any kind of discipline was appropriate - physical or otherwise - therefor if he ever became physical with either of the guyren again I was going to call the police and charge him with guy abuse. PERIOD!

He is selfish beyond description, and given the "right" circumstances cannot control his tempter. He has no interest in having any kind of meaningful relationship where two people are partners caring for one another. His responses, or lack thereof, regarding your needs, be they of a personal nature or simply sharing duties around the home, are proof positive of his my-way-or-the-highway attitude. He's got what he considers a near perfect situation; he doesn't have to work; he doesn't do anything around the house; and since his libido is lower than whale crap at the bottom of the ocean; thank goodness he doesn't have to sleep in bed with some horny bit*h. Given all that why in hell would he want to be an active participant in any kind of counseling?

Get rid of him for the guyren's sake if for no other reason - and you've got plenty of them.

Good luck.

PS BTW I'd actively seek an opportunity to have an affair.

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